i agree with what you've stated, but i think the solution is much deeper than that.

first, i believe the commitment to family unit has to be real. and when I say "family unit", a single mom ain't no "family unit". "family" refers to husband, wife and kids. a woman who stays single is robbing her kids of a true "family" experience. at the same time, if she is not committed to creating a family unit, she will fornicate with boyfriends, instead of holding out for a husband, and so her girls are learning to latch on to a man with her private parts, and her boys are learning to get what they want without taking on the responsibility... remaining a BOY (friend), rather than a man.

if kids grow up with married parents, even if one is a step parent, they will learn what is acceptable, what is not acceptable, and what a committed family unit looks like, and therefore create one of their own. and while the kids are teenagers, the parents need to raise and train their sons to become men/husbands/fathers, and their daughters to become women/wives/mothers. this ain't happening, and this is why the black family is damn near non-existent...

I can see both points of view. I believe both parties are at fault, however.

Both women and men do not appreciate each other or themselves.

I say this because if women and men appreciated themselves, they would love themselves first and gain some self-respect. Doing this would prevent them from going into meaningless, disastrous relationships. They would know that the opposite sex does not define who they are as a person. Then the desparation for trying to find a "somebody" would become less important. If that were to happen, there would be more relationships of quality than of quantity.

But they also need to appreciate the other party. If the other party KNEW they were appreciated, they MIGHT raise their standards. There is so much negativity and drama in relationships, things that shouldn't be there. And if a person feels he or she isn't appreciated, then he or she should leave.

I half agree with you, Moe about your comment on single women. Some women go to boyfriends because they want to provide a father for their children. And of course, in order to get married, you usually go through the process of dating. Some women don't fornicate. My mother is single and she only dated a few guys. Most of the women's focus is for her children. It isn't COMPLETELY her fault for having a few bad boyfriends if her intention was to find a role model for her child.

You are right about the training of husbands/wives/fathers/mothers. However, some girls and guys don't want to be married. They want to aspire for something else. The family has changed, it is not the same family anymore. People do not want to be confined to certain roles. It is the father's responsibility to teach the son AND the daughter. It is the mother's responsibility to teach the daughter AND the son. Not just to be marriageable material or good parents, but simply to be a good person.

"JHighness" wrote:

If women would stop allowing men to get away with things, they'd have no choice but to stop mistreating women.

I agree that woman should stop allowing men to get away with abuse. However, we also must realize that some of these men who abuse woman could be mentally unstable. Sure this will work with a man who has all his "mental faculties"-- but chooses to abuse woman for total control. However, what about the men who are clinically crazy. Well, I guess this is another topic.

If single women would stop turning their heads while their sons disrespect girls, they would not begin mistreating women at a young age.

Unfortunately, some women wait until it is too late. If their fathers are still around, they have a responsibility in this, also.

If women would stop encouraging and advising their daughters, sisters, and girlfriends to stay with a man, or to take a man back who has mistreated them, men would stop.

Again, I agree with this statement. Unfortunately, low self esteem contributes to them feeling a need to stay. The abuser may have torn them down. He has probably convinced the victim that nobody else wants them. Some even threaten to hurt a love one if they were to ever leave them.

 Please tell me if you agree or disagree with this and why.  

Had we not been "snatched up BY THE WHITEMAN as slaves" and kept our TRADITIONAL ISLAMIC WAY WAY OF BEGINING OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR SACRED WOMEN (Contacting the father first and foremost and MARRIAGE BEFORE SEX!) this western "problem" would not have evolved among our people.